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Oi! Oi! Oi!

We can hear the sound of consumption in the distance. Biting, chewing, gulping. Can it be the sound of Jeff Thomson eating his words?

"England will lose the five-Test series 3-0 and the margin will be worse for them if it doesn't rain...Harmison was a big disappointment in South Africa, and I don't know the reason why, but he has to lift his game. The same goes for Hoggard. He's like a net bowler when you compare him to McGrath and Kasprowicz."

As we recall, this weekend saw England go 2-1 up in the Ashes, having set a first-innings total of 477, then bowling out the Aussies for 218 and enforcing the follow-on. Glenn McGrath sat on the sidelines nursing his injured elbow (a real injury this time, as opposed to a made-up mind game), running on every five minutes with Jason Gillespie, who's finally found a purpose during this series - carrying the drinks.

Michael Kasprowicz's figures in the first innings were 1-122 off 32 overs, and in the second innings he bowled just two overs, being smashed over the ground for 19 runs before being replaced by everyone's favourite fat drug-taking cheat. To be fair to Kasper, he did rack up 19 runs in the enforced follow-on before being caught by Geraint Jones off the bowling of...um...one S J Harmison.

Harmy ended the fourth Test with figures of 4-142 off 39 overs, and he only had to bat once (England having not been forced to follow on, as Australia were, for the first time in 17 years).

The Hog - well, we've saved the best till last. OK, so Andrew Flintoff's sparkling century in the first innings secured him the man of the match award, but frankly the Hog was robbed. A spectacular evening session on Friday saw him take three wickets of opening batsmen, and he remained economical on Saturday morning (when Australia were finally bowled out, and then forced to follow on).

Sunday saw the Hog take the bulk of the Radcliffe Road End bowling duties, with Simon Jones ruled out through injury, and his dogged 27 overs resulted in seven maidens and two further wickets. Then, as specialist batsmen were skittled all over the place by Warne and Lee, the Hog strode out to the crease, and kept his nerve.

Blocking the balls bowled at his feet or round his legs, and ducking the ones aimed at his head, he even found it in his range of skills to whack a boundary whilst racking up his 8 not out in a partnership with Ashley Giles that secured the win.

It's very easy to laugh at the Hog's textbook defensive strokes - goodness knows we do so often enough (albeit in an affectionate way) - but more natural batsmen placed higher up the order would do well to learn from his innings, where he didn't rush, didn't panic (after all, all England needed to do was get to 129 - and there was well over a day's play left if needed), and waited for the bad ball to nick a few singles.